Cover Girl

Book stuff:

• It’s February, the month of love1, so I’m discounting Persephone in Bloom to 0.99 USD!

• I’ve also dropped Penelope Pops the Question into the Love Month Romance Giveaway, which has a ton of free contemporary and new adult romances. If you’re into smouldering billionnaires, you’re in luck! As ever, I am drawn to the illustrated covers - I’m looking forward to picking up Rough Edges by Elsa Jacobs and Make or Break by Diana Deehan.

• You can pre-order Ask Cassandra, the first book in the new Olympus Inc. arc! I’m writing Cassie’s story now and after three days where I couldn’t get a grip on my opening scene, I dropped her in the middle of nowhere without a working GPS. This may be a metaphor.

• As ever, reviews for both Karen books and Kate books are very welcome!

Fifties Frocks

The second I saw Liz Casal Goodhue’s final design for Bespoke & Bespelled, I went crazy for Marnie’s dress. I love a fifties silhouette, and a lot of my favourite homemade outfits are that tight bodice, nipped waist, full skirt look.

“Should I make this dress?” I asked my friends, who, because they know me well, knew that what I meant was, “I have decided to make this dress,” and encouraged me forthwith. So I am making Marnie’s dress out of some bright and slippery pink rayon2, using the Cashmerette Upton Dress pattern as a base, and making some adjustments, like adding belt loops.

(I am also planning to make a poofy tulle petticoat out of gold-spangled tulle, because, honestly, why wouldn’t I?)

Sewing is about 25% actually sewing and 75% cutting and pressing. I thought it would be fun (and also good marketing? idk) to document the process for social media, so it’s taking even longer than usual while I do exciting and difficult things like “get the subject in frame” and “crop out that half a sandwich sitting next to your cutting board”. If you’re on Instagram, follow me to watch the journey of cover to dress!

Fat Femininity

Like Marnie of Bespoke & Bespelled, I am a fat woman.

Unlike Marnie, who is a stitch-witch, and has been sewing from the moment she had the motor dexterity to pick up a needle, I came to sewing late3.

I mostly started learning to sew because it gave me something to focus on during lockdowns, but I kept it up afterwards because 1) I really enjoy it and 2) I now have a bespoke wardrobe and that’s nothing to sneeze at and 3) clothes off the rack that fit  women my size, with my enormoboobs, are usually either MASSIVE BLACK SACK or  polyester florals, both of which are great if they are your style, but neither of which gel with my personal preferences.

If I want cute cotton button-up blouses and dresses with fitted bodices — and I really, do — I need to make them.

I’m aware that as a smaller fat woman who likes full skirts and chunky heels, I often get a grudging pass from fatphobic people. At home I wear T-shirts and soft cotton pants 90% of the time, because 1) oh god the ironing, and 2) I don’t want to change my clothes to cook or clean and no, an apron is NOT sufficient coverage4. But in public, I’m often performing a very high-femme femininity, and that can easily be read as “at least she’s trying”.

I mean, people who really hate fat people are going to hate me anyway. There I am, existing in a fat body! Walking around like I have a right to enjoy my life and like myself! But people who hate fat people a little less, who maybe have some inherited fatphobia or internalised misogyny they may not be entirely aware of, they can look at me and think, “well, that’s not too bad.5”

The issue is that existing while fat isn’t at all bad. Thinking other people should change their bodies to make you more comfortable, that’s the bad thing.

Fat Liberation

I had an ex who once sneered, “Fat isn’t a feminist issue, it’s a FAT issue”, and at the time I was much younger and thinner and really wanted to impress him by echoing all his opinions back at him, so I nodded along.

Would it surprise you to know that this guy talked about diet and exercise a lot, and it was very boring? Or that he frequently made disparaging comments about other women’s bodies and occasionally mine? He was not, as such, mean to me, but I was left in absolutely no doubt that my breasts were too big, my ass was too flat, and if I got bigger I would be less attractive - not just to him as a matter of personal choice, but to all men, everywhere.

This guy has been out of my life for nearly twenty years, and anyone who tried this now would get rolled eyes and a sharp word as I walked away, but my god. He thought this was okay! He thought it was normal.

Here’s the thing. Does your feminism include the idea that of course women should have the right to bodily autonomy?

Awesome!

But does your feminism also include the idea that if you deem it necessary, women should use a lot of time, money and emotional labour to keep those bodies small, or make them smaller, or at the very least have the good manners to try to be smaller and apologise for the space they take up if they must exist in a larger body?

Hm.

HMMM.

For a lot of people, even people who would otherwise embrace everybody’s right to bodily autonomy, it’s horribly likely that fat-positivity and body liberation might feel big and scary and too much to whole-heartedly embrace. Even if you don’t expect other people to change their bodies, you can still buy into the idea that you should be apologising for your own.

If that’s the case for you, I get it. I’ve been there. For me, a starting point was, “Well, I can think whatever I’m gonna think about my body, but I’m going to chill the fuck out about other people’s.” It is just a generally good idea to be cool about other people’s right to exist in the bodies they exist in! Bonus, it made me so much happier! I highly recommend it!

And after a while, you can try and practice the same grace towards yourself.

Honestly, this is something I still struggle with sometimes. But you know what helps? Making adorable hot pink dresses for my fat body. Writing about fat heroines. Reading about fat heroines.

Vive la libération!